Do you think this extract is well written/interesting etc?

It was really well-written (as usual Jack) but I think you should have used some brief periods of dialogue to break the continuous narration. Like, in the instance where you wrote 'Dylan told them that he was tired and they concurred" or something along those lines; I think you should have actually put a short conversation there instead. Few other areas could have also been treated similarly. Secondly, "Dylan might have fallen in love with a boy" should have been "Dylan might have fallen in love with a MAN" (well in my opinion) since it is University and 'boy' makes it sound like kindergarten.